Apparently HBO thinks it is funny to have a character in one of their shows urinate on a picture of Jesus. The Catholic who owns the home in the show then thinks that Jesus is weeping in the picture.

So should we be ‘piss’ed at HBO, or thank them for giving R Kelly a new job (I really don’t think I could take another ‘Trapped in the Closet’ video)?

My girlfriend forwards me all articles she comes across related to christianity. This one she found on the blog Jezebel.

The Jezebel post refers to this article about being a Christian woman. Now this woman’s teachings no way reflect the view of this blog. However some of her views might be more cultural standards than Christian standards.

Here is an excerpt from the article:

good spousekeeping

Martha Peace on how to be the wife God intended

• On feminism: “Instead of dwelling on what I think I deserve, I should be thinking that I am to serve the Lord graciously, however He chooses.”
• On widowhood: “Younger widows are to remarry rather than have idle time to gossip.”
• On extramarital friendships: “Turn from wrong thinking about the other person to right thinking about God and your responsibility to honor and worship Him.”
• On pms: “Lord, forgive me for maligning You. Instead, use me for your glory however you choose. If the pms symptoms have to continue, they’ll just have to continue.”
• On vanity: “Beauty is one of the ways the adulteress draws her prey…[but] it is all right to have some external adornment, because stripping oneself of all makeup and wearing only plain, drab clothing does not make a woman more pleasing to God.”

However the quote you ladies should focus on the most is:

“If you disobey your husband,” Peace admonishes in The Excellent Wife, “you are indirectly shaking your fist at God.”

No need to ask for comments because I am sure that our female readers will feel inclined to talk about their views on Christian womaness.

[Check out the full article and the image above at MotherJones.]

It is an interesting enough study, and it is for the most part fairly scientific, however when you give a thing of science to the media it becomes something new altogether.

Initially it was porn lovin’ red states. What better way to get back at your conservative enemies than by associating them with something they claim they are against. Now the study did not measure the political affiliation of the people purchasing the pornography, the racial make up, or even marital status. However the media is allowed to make any inference they want without retribution.

So lets look at the medias’ logic progression:

Southern States <3 Porn

Southern States = Conservatives

Conservatives <3 Porn

Conservatives = Christians

Christians <3 Porn

I knew it was only a matter of time before CNN aired an interview like this one:

So hats off to the media for perverting science to suit their agenda. They are using our oldest trick against us.

Artist:  House of Heroes
Album: The End is Not the End

About:

Didn’t they release this like back in November?  Well whatever, looks like its getting released again for all to enjoy!  House of Heroes has been around a while as a “mainstream” Christian band, whatever the hale I mean by that.  This is their third release and reflects growing maturity as a group.  As their self righteous bio states about the album: “This Columbus unit converted to a four-piece unit after years as a three piece for this new chapter as a band. As musicians, this was a calculated decision that has proven to be a masterful one… Deeply spiritual, at times apocalyptic, and at all moments passionately universal, House of Heroes touches on the deepest recesses of every human’s soul on these tracks with these calculated words. In an era where profound words are beyond scarce, here again the band has proven they are not like the others.”

DANG, Hottiez!

One thing they make a point of in their bio is that they created the album “without pitch-tuning or digital manipulation; Each song on the album is heard exactly as it was performed without the aid of any sort inhuman machine.”  That makes me happy… Very happy!  It’s absolutely refreshing to listen to a highly highly produced album (as I’ll mention later) and know that there’s no trickery in the creation of that sound.  They could be lying, of course, but I’ll just take their word on this one.

The exact opposite of this douchebag

Review:

Lyrically the album deals with a myriad of topics including: war, love, “deep spirituality”, etc.  There’s definitely no fear of dealing with spiritual topics on this album.  Heck, the single of the album, “In the Valley of the Dying Son,” is loosely based on the story of Jacob in Genesis of the OT.  Obviously these guys aren’t afraid of their faith, but aren’t completely over -the-top with it either.  They’re still parading through the world of CCM, so they obviously haven’t sold out like other bands that have been around as long as them.

Musically, this album clocks in at almost 60 minutes, so you’re definitely getting your money’s worth in content.  House of Heroes has always been a Christian modern rock band, and this album still continues with their modern rock roots.  However, it’s incredibly diverse.  For those looking for a cohesive album, you won’t really be happy with this one.  The largest influences seem to be a mix of the progressive sounds of the 70’s and 80’s, pop bands of the 60’s, and some major Queenage.  However, you’ll experience some shuffle, folk, pop/punk, gang vocals, and modern rock ballad as well.  So yeah, you get all sorts of schweet stuff here.  It’s really interesting, especially for a modern rock album.  There are some seriously EPIC progressive moments on the album as well.  The previously mentioned “In the Valley of the Dying Son” and the final track, “Field of Daggers,” are sure to please the genre-combining and linear-less-ness of progsters all around.

More like these guys!

This album is extremely well produced.  The vocals and instrumentation are extremely solid and well done, the drums are rhythmically perfect, and the Queen-like harmonies are arousing.  They really did a great job with this one… I’m impressed!

Final Rating: LEGEPIC/10 for a musically diverse, lyrically solid, and all around legitimate and epic release.

Over the weekend the Dalla Morning News broke this gem about preachers learning how to fight.

Jeff McKissack is spreading the Batman gospel to youth pastors in Dallas and across the country. He hopes to convert them into followers of the Keysi Fighting Method, the street fighting style used in recent cinematic blockbusters.

Vigilante preachers will be preaching the gospel during the day and delivering justice in the night. If I had known this is what being a youth pastor was about I would have definitely chosen a different career path.

“People do crazy things, and we live in a crazy world,” said Galen Davis, a junior high youth pastor at Calvary Church in Irving. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with learning to protect yourself.

So if someone was trying to rob you, what do you think Jesus would have you do?
A) Give them your money.
B) Beat them to a bloody pulp.
C) None of the above.
I think these guys have watched The Second Chance a few too many times:

I’m not sure how I missed this one, but this apparently came out a couple of weeks ago.  Now you can see every thrashing and tearing of the skin in full 1080p!  I have no idea what would possess someone to own this flick, let alone in high definition, but it’s currently the #60 best seller in Amazon’s Blu-Ray collection. It’s obvious why this was released pre-Easter, so I guess we’ll see how this does in the coming month.

A good friend of this blog tried to give up Facebook, not for lent, and he even went as far as to disable his account. Needless to say he is back at it.

Personally I think Facebook is such a powerful tool that can be used to God’s glory I don’t know why anyone would want to give it up for lent. Facebook should be in every Christians tool bag as a means for discipleship and ministering. It is like saying you aren’t going to see your family for lent, not very practical or glorifying to God.

However if you are one of those people that keep sending me Little Green Patch requests then I hope you take a Facebook fast for the rest of your life. This also applies to mafia, zombie, marvel comic book characters, or any other Myspace-style application you can think of.

Unbeknownst to many, Catholics aren’t the only ones who celebrate the 40 days of Lent. For those who don’t know, many Christians celebrate the 40 days preceding Easter by giving up something important to them to honor God. Jesus himself spent 40 days of prayer and fasting in the wilderness to prepare for his time of ministry. We here at Jesufied realize that for most people, the Biblical 40 days of prayer and fasting is asking for a little too much. Thus, we’ve come up with a list of ten things that will allow you to fulfill your religious duty of sacrifice in the Lenten season, but also allow you to keep living! So here we present Jesufied’s ten easiest things to give up for lent:

10. Mayonnaise

If we were in Europe we might have to say Ketchup, but we aren’t a bunch of mayonnaise eating foreigners, so mayonnaise is the only condiment showing up on this list today. Mayonnaise is like those kids at school whose parents are still married and were married BEFORE they decided to have children. It just thinks it is better than the rest of the condiments. Mayonnaise will never have to ask its parents if it was an accident, because it is just too complicated to make. It is also one of those condiments that you are never quite sure you have, because you use it so infrequently. However the biggest reason to give up mayonnaise is because it is simply inferior to Miracle Whip. Most people think they eat mayonnaise, but they in fact eat a Kraft product that is 10x better than this crap.

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9. Vegetarianism

Sometimes a Lenten sacrifice will go so much further than just a religious duty, but will benefit you AND the fledgling economy. By sacrificing vegetarianism, you give your body the necessary proteins that have been withheld from it for so long. You’re also helping stimulate the fledgling economy by keeping hundreds of thousands of meat farmers, meat transporters, and meat sellers in business. Lastly, It’s also an act of double reverence for God. You’re not only sacrificing for lent, you’re also happily using His gift of animals to the world.

8. Axe Body Spray

We have all seen their series of what shall be refereed to as the “bring on the hos commercials.” However as prepubescent boys we can’t say your editors didn’t by the stuff. After spraying it for the first time, we realized this was not going to attract any women. Most guys have several cans of this stuff lying around in their bedrooms or bathrooms. In fact if anyone approaches you wearing axe, you are free to make a number of assumptions about them and their intentions. The only scent that gives an aura of desperation more is Curve cologne. So if you are one of the few who actually do where this stuff, giving it up for lent should just be the first step on a long road to recovery.

7. Recycling

This is a perfect thing to give up for lent because it’s such a natural action and life choice. Instead of immediately throwing your junk mail into your home recycling bin, stop for a second in reverence, then happily throw it away in the trash. This goes for plastics (#’s 1-6), glassware, corrugated cardboard, old electronics, and anything else you might think of recycling.

6. Pay-per-view

PPV is where most programming that normal people don’t want to watch ends up. They also charge you an exorbitant price because the d-bags who came up with this system apparently didn’t think $100/month cable bills were enough. If you are one of the few people who have watched PPV in the last year then you are either a wrestling fan, UFC fan, or boxing ban, and there probably isn’t any hope for you anyways. Also, do you want to celebrate the time Jesus spent fasting by watching some roid-raged idiots beat the crap out of each other.

5. Expedited Shipping

We know that today’s shopper doesn’t just shop at old-skool brick & mortar stores only anymore, opting for internet shopping many times because of cheaper prices. No one ever uses paltry ground shipping anymore, but waiting a few more days won’t hurt will it? Now, if you’ve made the plunge into Amazon Prime, we’re willing to work with you here. Since two day expedited shipping is default to Prime, just don’t upgrade to the overnight shipping for $4.99 option.

4. ShamWow

Here is how you go without a ShamWow for 40 days: Buy a towel. I know the headset mic makes the guy in the commercial seem very official, but seriously do you want a product that he probably stole from the Pittsburgh Steelers locker room. Also it says it holds 12 times its weight in liquid, but they try to give you eight of them for $19.99. What are you doing that you need eight ShamWows? Maybe you should consider giving that up, because it sounds like a very messy hobby. General rule of thumb, never by a towel that comes with a 10-year warranty, because it is probably a scam.

3. Emo

It’s unbelievable how natural it is to have completely non-functioning hair styles and to wear extremely odd looking and uncomfortable clothing. So this is a perfect thing to sacrifice for lent. Next time you go to your hairstylist in the next 40 days, just ask that your reverse mullet be turned into something like a normal men’s or women’s hairstyle. Men, instead of opting for wearing women’s clothing, just try wearing men’s clothing. Women, you know… Just look normal for a change.

2. Google Chrome

When the inventors of the internet decided to release a web browser, internet nerds across the world went nuts. Finally something that would let us view the internet from our computers that wasn’t Firefox, Internet Explorer, Safari, Opera, AOL, or the now defunct Netscape. This should be a pretty easy one to give up, because it turns out Chrome sucks and nobody uses it anyways. One of your editors is happy he didn’t go along with his Googlefied project, a year using only Google alternatives, or he would have hated writing every word of this post.

1. Giving to the poor

This one is easy. Every time you feel the need to give to people in need, just don’t do it! You know how some people play the “Free Parking” rule in Monopoly? Where if you ever owe the bank any money, you just put it in the middle of the board, and when someone lands on the otherwise useless “Free Parking,” they get the pot of cash. Just treat it like that. Every time you “land” on an opportunity to give, just put it in your free parking stash. Just look at Easter as landing on “Free Parking” and go buy yourself a new flat screen on that day. We know that it’s very hard to not give to those in need because of the guilt, but this is definitely a worthy sacrifice.

We here at Jesufied hope that we’ve made the religious duty of Lent a little easier on you this Easter season. Remember to let us know how everything turns out and how you were able to do the least possible to score God points!

Artist: And Then There Were None
Album Title: Who Speaks for Planet Earth?
Stated Genre: Alternative
Release Date: February 24, 2009

About the band:

Whatever happened to bands having short memorable names and non-sentence album titles?  Well, I’m sure that still exists somewhere, but not for the band “And Then There Were None” (lulz).  Anyways, these guys seem to have a pretty interesting story.  According to their MySpace bio, these guys were an Indie metal band since 2003, getting signed to Tooth & Nail a year or so ago.  “This past year was a busy one for ATTWN. After signing to Tooth & Nail, a line up change, the addition of new members, and a new sound, And Then There Were None is back and better than ever. Once known for boasting metal riffs and killer breakdowns, the band has been reinvented, mixing euro-dance beats with a punk-rock backbone.”  So talk about a re-invention!  It was probably one of those “We’ll sign you kid… If you drop your band and completely change your style to what we want!”  Nah just playin… It seems to be a “legit” transformation.

I wonder why these dude are so skinny?

These guys are also hard core about their message. “What separates ATTWN from it’s peers is the passion and moral behind the music. Unafraid to bring ethics and a message back onto the scene, And Then There Were None has made it a mission to be heard.”  And what is their message you ask?  “Not only is every member a vegetarian, but ATTWN has partnered up with Peta2 to educate and enlighten fans.” Oh my… They don’t eat meat.  I don’t know what to say… Well at least they’re not vegans.

Oh… Riiight!

Honestly, if you ever go to a Christian music festival like Cornerstone, you find out that there’s this large vegetarian/vegan movement associated with the Christian Metal/Hardcore scene.   So these types of charades don’t surprise me.  Nevertheless, these guys are being sold on the Christian market by a pseudo-Christian label, yet the band “sets up a table of Peta pamphlets and booklets [at shows], as well as stickers and promotional materials to inform fans. The band believes education is the first step to change, and is doing all they can to make a difference.”  So take that, leftist media bastards who think that there aren’t any Christian leftists!”

The music:

The first track, “Insozz” definitely sets the stage for this “euro-dance” kind of thing.  There’s all sorts of arpeggios, lot’s of quarter note love on the kick, etc.  However, the singing style is more that of the whiney emo/modern rock/pop punk voice.  Interesting!  These guys definitely sound like a Tooth & Nail band, with obvious influences from other Tooth & Nail bands like Anberlin, the now defunct Further Seems Forever, and Joy Electric.

Track 3, “John the Arsonist”, effectively continues this interesting mix of modern rock and dance-pop.  I don’t really know what they’re singing about, but I don’t really care at this moment in time.  There’s tons of synth production in here, which sounds really cool.  However, like most of these modern rock/emo bands, there’s just no meat to the melody.  Like I’ll never go around singing the melody of this song to myself, but that’s ok.  All I can make out of the vocals is “I don’t think you’d understand!”  So true man… So true.

Track 4, “The Hospital,” starts out with some “Dashboard-esque” vocal stylings, then shortly followed by the same euro-pop/modern rock formula the other songs have.  It’s got a sweet synth bridge that I would definitely rave to (if I raved).  Honestly, most of the other songs on the album sound the same.  This group has found an interesting formula and they stick to it throughout the album.  Here and there they throw in sweet synth moves and cool production.  Honestly, I’d have a very hard time distinguishing most of these songs apart.  “Cloak and Dagger” has a really sweet hook for a chorus, definitely the sweetest hook on the album.  Be sure to check that one out.

As far as production values goes, they seem to be using some of those “vintage wannabe” plugins on their DAW (digital audio workstation).  These guys are going for that mix between an analogue sound and a crisp finely-produced digital sound.  Honestly, I’m a big fan of getting the fattest, clearest sound possible in a production, but dance/techno groups tend to go for that low-fi goodness a little too often.  To me, if you have the proper technology to create a beautifully clear and intense track, then use it to your advantage.  Well thankfully these guys use a healthy dose of it, and don’t let it define who they are entirely.

Are these guys worth checking out?  I’m not sure.  Depends on how much you’re into this style they seem to be pioneering.  I’ll probably be adding this to my portable media device’s playlist for the gym, because I can definitely see myself sweatin’ the pounds off to this band.  You can only rock out to Coldplay whilst on the elliptical so much, you know?   But then again, I can see myself getting annoyed very quickly… But that’s probably not entirely because of these guys, I just don’t listen to dance music on a regular basis.  I’d suggest listening to their tracks on their MySpace.  If you really enjoy those, you can buy their album that has a lot more of the same thing!

Rating:  meatless/10 for ingenuity in what seems to be a mix-up between “euro-dance” and modern rock.